Bittersweet November

My favorite photo from our wedding reception

Sadly, the best photo from our wedding of the two of us together!

My husband and I were married seven years ago today. It was a cold Monday evening in Sedona - and I was rather chilly in that strapless gown! I do wish we had better photos from our wedding day. In fact, I wish we had more photos of the two of us together, in general. There aren't many. The reception was small, at a lovely restaurant with beautiful old imported doors (of which we have no photos...) and wonderful food. The blurry photo captures the energy and vibe of that night rather well. It's blurry, and not really a great photo, but it's definitely my favorite.

November has always been rather packed with activity - both my sister and I were born the week of Thanksgiving, then of course there's the Thanksgiving holiday itself. Then we added a wedding into the mix. And my husband's birthday is also in November.

So, my mother-in-law, who was a really wonderful person, died yesterday. The day before our anniversary. She was ill for a very long time, so it was not entirely unexpected. I just wish my son had had the chance to know her better. 

Bittersweet. 

sometimes the day seems dark, despite the sun

darkness

Ah, back before the days had become so short, and the trees still had their green leaves. Today was warm and sunny. I am thankful.

More Impossible Daisies

Another Impossible Project photo I took of my gerbera daisies before they wilted completely. The reason I took the photo at this angle? Anya ate a large chunk of one of those flowers overnight. Anya would be my demon cat, named after a character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ok, really, she isn't a demon cat - but she is a bit crazy. In a good way.

Just for kicks - what is it with people putting these weird reflective balls in their yards and gardens? I just don't get it. This one is sitting on a bird bath, but somehow, I suspect the birds don't get much out of it.

oh, daisy!

Ah, gerbera daisies! Some of my favorite flowers. I absolutely had to have gerbera daisies in some of the flower arrangements at my wedding, too. These aren't quite as colorful in the photo as they were in person - WERE. Yes, they've already drooped and lost many of their petals. It's possible that I know absolutely nothing about keeping potted flowers alive inside my home.

So this photo was taken a couple of weeks ago with Impossible Project PX70 first flush film. Although I enjoy using the film, I'm definitely excited about the next incarnation of the color film!

Stifled by Indecision

Last month while I was looking through some boxes (ok, yes, I was looking for something I'd lost), I found an old sketchbook. I started it in 2003, but used it for several years, as I'm not a prolific artist.

Why am I stifled by indecision? My guess is fear and too much stuff. Just saying. I wish I had successful shedding of stuff to report, but alas, I do not! I am working on it slowly, but I get stuck often.

Where do you put the stuff you want to get rid of? When you have a toddler - don't put it on the floor, that's for sure. I don't have any extra rooms or closets (I mean, really, people - if I have a problem with stuff, do you think I have space to organize? nope).

I kind of wish I could have one of those organizer people from The Hoarders show on TLC. She could come over and just ask me what should be done with this item or that, and you know, put it in a pile somewhere that I haven't thought of yet. Or in her car.

Although I'd like to sell some things, rather than throw them out, I'm getting a lot closer to just wanting some of this junk out NOW. Which means it's going to end up sitting in the alley soon unless I feel like spending the time listing it on craigslist or ebay.

Today's Shed Tally:

• 1 wool coat
• 1 cotton jacket 
• 1 down vest
• listed four books for sale on Amazon
• listed several books on paperbackswap

Last week: Organized the entry closet (although it could still use some purging)

So - some progress made! I just wish the progress were more... palpable? 

What next?

When I got home that day (yes! it was one day!), I sat at my disorganized desk and had a beer. It was only 4 pm, and I rarely drink before dinner.

I looked around the room. WHAT DO I THROW OUT? I have to throw something out! That weekend I got rid of an entire recycling bin of paper - mostly articles from my stint as an archaeology grad student. I kept them because, well, I MIGHT NEED THEM ONE DAY. Also, I hate throwing out paper.

That blue bin? Yep, that's the size of the recycling bins in Tucson.
Photo by Brian Greer.

After this event, I saw "trinkets" and thought GARBAGE. I have tried very hard to resist buying things that have no purpose besides to look pretty sitting somewhere, as in my case, they will look like dust-collection devices. I stopped "collecting" boxes, too.

Hoarding and Fear

When I said I met someone, it's probably not what you were thinking.

I met a Hoarder. I'm not even sure she KNEW she was a hoarder. And, in fact, I didn't know either. We often joked about how we were "pack rats" and we were often saving garbage from work that might be useful for some unknown "craft" project at a later date. We worked at a lab so there was LOTS of cool stuff being thrown out! I could paint those valves and nuts and bolts and glue them in a shadowbox collage. Did I ever do so? Um, no. I did paint a bunch of them gold, though. Then I shoved the junk into a cabinet.

Yes, those are contact lens cases that I collected over years. I figured I might need them someday.

And moved on to another project, another hobby. I still have a ton of rubber stamps from that "collage and altered book" hobby. I never finished a single project. Knitting was a bit more successful - I finished multiple hats, scarves, a sweater, several bags, washcloths, etc. My spending, however, was a bit out of line with my knitting speed. I have at least three very large plastic boxes FULL of yarn. Still.

This is an unfinished tote bag, photo from 2007. It's still unfinished. And I still have it.

My friend was very creative as well - she always had some craft in mind, loved thrift stores, and was a potter. We also both had spouses who collected books for a living (oh, ok, grad students, but same thing). Well, as it turns out, her husband got a job, they had to move, and someone volunteered to help clean out the house (after they'd packed up the moving truck already).

I was SCARRED FOR LIFE from this experience. You don't have any idea what it's like until you've been there. There was so much stuff left in the house. It might not have been as bad if we hadn't gone through the kitchen - we dumped out ancient spices (while she wasn't looking. she would have been horrified if she knew we threw them out), expired food, and food with BUGS IN IT.

The lawn was full of JUNK she was "donating." If you saw this stuff.... it was trash. Literally. But, she still saw value in her stuff. Apparently she attempted to sell all sorts of trash at her recent garage sale, but luckily, I missed that. In her laundry room: a box labeled "broken sunglasses" that had no fewer than ten pair; a neatly organized box of plastic sheets from toy packages; a box labeled "gluing projects" that had a legless Barbie doll among other oddities; a box of square cardboard pieces (weigh paper packaging, from work); a box of rusty tools; boxes of easter, halloween, and valentine's day treats all labeled, but never used.

Why am I telling you this? So you know where I'm coming from. That's all. I saw myself in this stuff. I was afraid. So, so fearful. Did she know what she was doing? Did she feel weighed down by her things? She said not. She said she loved her stuff. It was clearly agony for her to get rid of so much of it.

I did not want to be her. She wasn't who I thought she was.